Coming up to the finish line in high school I hit some real social lows which brought me to emotional and mental lows like I had never experienced before. Thankfully a good friend from childhood, who never gave up our friendship even when I distanced myself and pulled away, was still there for me. She stepped in at one of my lowest points and invited me to a youth rally with her church youth group. She sat me on the front row and that night my life forever changed. My faith became real to me.
My faith walk is connected to my journey with eating disorders but is not the main focus of my story. Some in my Christian circles would be appalled at that statement. The reality here is my faith walk is a part of me in every way but I did not have a magical experience with God that erased all my issues, struggles and problems. My eating disorder journey lasted over 30 years and at this point, graduating from high school, we are only about 6 years in to that journey.
I have come to realize an eating disorder, much like alcoholism, is something you may become free from but is something you must always remain aware of in order to keep your freedom.
After the youth rally with my friend my life did start to change. I started to eat more and wasn't drinking as much; I was still seeking attention from guys, still sexually active. I completely separated myself from all the friends I had during my high school years - keep in mind I was still in high school. I think this was an attempt to run away from my own issues rather than face myself.
With all of these changes, even with starting to eat more its important to note, eating disorders are not just about eating.
On to college...
I'm Heidi & I am so happy you are here...
If this is your first time visiting this page and reading my story first let me say thank you for reading! This is a story with layers and layers of history and details that have lived in my brain and heart but only now are being shared "out loud" . I truly believe I am free now, keeping in mind having an eating disorder is really something that never fully goes away, it is something that is with me to this day but I am free because it no longer controls me.
If you are struggling with an eating disorder or suspect you are, please get help! There is no shame and stigma's are being broken!
Wife, mother, psychology major, writer, dreamer, God chaser, book revolutionist, passionate about people and society past, present and future...
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