The months and years following that bus ride proved to be the best (depending on how you view it) and the worst of times for me. The best if you view Jr. High and High School years through the common rose colored glasses showing popularity, cheerleading and boyfriends as the ticket to a great adolescent experience. The worst if you know the behind the scenes personal turmoil of someone with an eating disorder.
Psychology Today states the following:
"Eating disorders are very complex, and despite scientific research to understand them, the biological, behavioral and social underpinnings of these illnesses remain elusive. Eating disorders frequently develop during adolescence or early adulthood, but some reports indicate their onset can occur during childhood or later in adulthood. Many adolescents are able to hide these behaviors from their family for months or years."
This is very true. Many of my friends and family still, to this day, do not realize this is a very real issue that was lived right in front of them.
After the bus ride, I went home and spoke with my mom about my weight. Many moms want to help their chubby children lose weight because in our society being thin or "fit" is acceptable and being large is not. This is proven true when a larger person starts losing weight and is praised and celebrated for that reason - losing weight.
This is what happened to me, I lost weight with my 1/2 a sandwich and apple diet and was praised, celebrated, accepted, no longer teased, became more popular and attracted more boys. All of this helped me deal with my abandonment issues although not in a healthy way. I was controlling my circumstances (becoming thin) to have people (friends, boys even family) stick around and give me approval.
I decided to stay thin at any cost.
Photo Credit: Robert J. La Verghetta
I'm Heidi & I am so happy you are here...
If this is your first time visiting this page and reading my story first let me say thank you for reading! This is a story with layers and layers of history and details that have lived in my brain and heart but only now are being shared "out loud" . I truly believe I am free now, keeping in mind having an eating disorder is really something that never fully goes away, it is something that is with me to this day but I am free because it no longer controls me.
If you are struggling with an eating disorder or suspect you are, please get help! There is no shame and stigma's are being broken!
Wife, mother, psychology major, writer, dreamer, God chaser, book revolutionist, passionate about people and society past, present and future...
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