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Midlife Muddled, how I navigate being a woman in midlife.
author: Heidi Suydam
*updated 04/27/2020* Since I originally wrote this blog post in 2018 I have been through many more times just like the one I described here. I hope this speaks to you whenever you read this.
Currently, in April 2020 the entire world is experiencing the Covid-19 Pandemic, most people are under a "stay at home" quarantine order, businesses are shut down, theme parks closed,
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My friend is amazing, she comes up with the absolute best ideas and I often volunteer to help because her ideas are so amazing!
She is an extrovert, I am an introvert who also craves community….just not too much community, and not too often. This summer her fabulous idea was “Summer Supper & Swim Club” (she comes up with the clever names too). I jumped right in and we established this weekly gathering of moms and kids. Why would I jump right in – being an introvert and all? Relationships have always been hard for me and I never really knew why. Recently I gained some insight that is giving me courage and peace as I head into my today, and my tomorrow...
The insight is this: if I do not value myself how can I expect others to value me? I have put too much responsibility on others to make me "feel" valued and wanted. No, I am not entering the self-absorbed, narcissitc bandwagon shouting "Me! Me! Me! My way or the highway people!" I truly believe this new value I have found in myself is actually making me a better friend, wife, mother, daughter, neighbor, community member - overall a better person. Let me explain.
We've all done this - especially women, and as a midlife woman I will admit there have been seasons in my life where I did a lot of this. I called it "venting" or "processing" even "sharing"...
A familiar line taken from Dr. Seuss, wisdom from his popular story Whorton Hears a Who reminding us that truly everyone matters. From my little spec on this little planet - my view from the west. America. Suburbia. Christendom. A mom's view. A view from a neighbor, wife, daughter, friend, small community member. One view, knowing there are many but this is one...
STOP trying to reach millions and reach those in your own home. Reach your neighbors. Your extended family. Reach? How about connect with and love - stop trying to reach people with a message and instead pause, look and listen to them. Have eye contact. Listen without thinking about what you will say in response to them, or what you have to do next. Listen to know them, to feel with them. Stop sending a message to people about how right or wrong you think they are and instead send a message that you actually care about them - the person - whoever they are. Your librarian, cashier, waitress, neighbor, sister, brother, son, daughter, significant other. Do they know you really care? Is life flying by? Are the minutes disappearing? Are your days going faster and faster? What really matters? Who really matters? |
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